#i feel like dean in dta

[bloodfreakcastiel]

apparently i have a kink for misha behind the wheel of a car, like a true passenger princess

[bagsley]

here’s the thing sometimes i’m like wow wish i could tolerate destiel even a little bit because then i could give dta a shot. but then i’m like if everyone says u don’t even need to have watched supernatural to read it… well… maybe i wouldn’t have such a good time

[gayangelcrimes]

Having a dta moment (having a fever and fucking hating it)

[bloodydeanwinchester]

Do you have any destiel fic recs? I haven't read many fics and I've been wanting to get into it but there's just SO many lol. I love long fics but any recs are appreciated! Sorry this ask is kind of out of nowhere. I was looking through my following list and you seemed like a good person to ask lol.

hiiii!!!! oh boy yesss i have SO many recs for you!!!!

first of all. i already have a few posts about destiel fic recs so i'll link those here: time travel fics, fics over 100k, canon fic recs, fix-it fics, fics over 100k 2, and canon fics recs 2.

but since you're new to reading destiel fic and like you said it can be overwhelming because there's just SO MUCH i will give you a list of some of my favorites that i think are really good ones for people first starting out with destiel fics:

a turn of the earth - this was the first destiel fic i ever read!! and honestly it was THEE perfect introduction into destiel fics

the benjamin franklin key-and-kite experiment - faith dean meets emmanuel cas this one is just a really fun play on canon and i am so fond of it

spirit of the west - i am not a huge au enjoyer but this fic is absolutely required reading for any destiel girlie it is THEE destiel au imo

let's take a drive - sobsicles is probably one of my all time favorite destiel fic writers and this fic is probably my favorite from them but also if you enjoy it there are tons more written by them for you to read!

crossing lines - if you are a deangirl this is THEE fic for you that's all im gonna say

the cheapest room in the house - god this fic has such a choke hold on me it's just sooooo fucking good!!! you have to read it!!!!!

also i'll share this post with you, the destiel classics post. when i was first starting to read destiel i read these fics first (after a turn of the earth), they are probably the most popular fics in the fandom and some are better than others but i do think they are all important ones to read eventually! (but i would suggest skipping twist and shout and waiting until you've read quite a bit more fic before you start Map of the World/DTA!)

anyway hope this helps and didn't just confuse you more! feel free to message me anytime if you want more specific recs!

[chitaquahq]

Reverse DTA where Endverse Dean ends on in the main storyline would be so funny.

First of all, he doesn't have an army, it's not the end of the world anymore and most people he haven't seen in years are alive or don't even know him.

I think seeing Bobby alive would soften him, but knowing Sam is alive too? That the other Dean did as he promised and he saved the world without saying yes to Michael? That'd do it.

I think they'd figure out pretty quickly that their Dean is on the Endverse and try to find a way to bring him back, but then the Leviathans start to wreck havoc and they don't have time.

He would feel just as jealous as the other Dean felt when he started comparing their lives. Just that he'd probably start with the hunter camps and he'd feel like he's winning the competition 😂

Also??? Meeting Cas as Emmanuel might kill him on the spot due the whiplash and the irony of Cas being married, having amnesia and living the life of a saint. That'd be so messy, lol.

[autisticandroids]

Director's commentary on "hunger" PLEASE. I cannot stop thinking about the yonic abyss.

[the goal here is to provide a director's commentary, a la the one i did for i fold in half so easily, though obviously less comprehensive. this commentary is for hunger.]

i don't have a TON to say about hunger. but. well. ok. first of all. yonic abyss castiel comes from this post by @allegedlyopposed. that's crucial before we start. okay. second thing you have to know is that i was DESPERATELY finishing this ON november fifth. in order to get something posted and i managed it at like 11pm. the third thing is that the original concept for this fic was um. much weirder. as you'll see.

also like, i had a ton of fun writing this fic because like... a lot of endverse cas fic is like. it's About The End. that's what it's about. it's really uninterested in how the endverse related to the rest of the canon except in terms of differences. but the thing about the endverse is like. the point of divergence from the timeline is free to be you and me. that's pretty fucking late! a lot of things that we see happen in canon have also happened to endverse dean and cas. endverse cas sat with dean on a bench and discussed doubts. endverse cas saw dean fall apart in on the head of a pin. endverse cas said "we're making it up as we go." so like, it was a lot of fun to write a fic that is essentially mostly about lazarus rising, framed through the endverse. like it's very explicit that this is like... also how our cas feels. he would just never say it, and may not even have the words to articulate it yet.

“Want some?” Cas says, offering the joint, and Dean looks over at his jailer.

“No, thanks. I, um, don’t partake.” Dean feels his cheeks heat.

Cas laughs, then. It’s a big belly laugh, complete with a coughing fit halfway through. He chucks Dean on the shoulder.

“It gives you panic attacks, I know. I just wanted to see if you’d agree out of embarrassment. You were such a priss about admitting it back in the day.”

i love you weedsocks boy. the thing about dean winchester is that he is a little chihuahua of a man and could never smoke weed he is TOO anxious. however, as an homage to the dean winchester beat sheet. i do believe that he pretends to other people that he smokes weed.

Dean doesn’t know what to say to that. He doesn’t say anything. He sits and he watches Cas smoke, instead.

“-can’t even fucking look at him” is what Dean’d heard this afternoon through the cabin wall. “So you want me to?” came the drawled reply. That’s when Cas had come into Dean’s cabin - Dean’s in the sense that it belonged to his future self, but also Dean’s in the sense that it was where he’d been kept for the past however many hours - and taken him by the arm.

it's crucial to me that endverse cas be mean. that's like. it's the last power that he has, over dean. they both know that cas will follow dean to the ends of the earth willingly, and they also know that dean can't do anything to cas, so it's like. stalemate. dean keeps cas around, and cas makes nasty remarks, and dean gives orders, and cas does what dean says in the end (no pun intended, hah). you know? and it's also about how endverse cas is you know maybe in some ways better off in his relationship with his dean than like, season fifteen cas. more secure, less afraid, possessed of more power and agency. even if when all is said and done it all ends up the same.

Now he’s in Cas’ beaded hippie dreamscape, minus the girls, and he’s not cuffed but he’s pretty sure that if he tried to leave he’d be down before he took four steps. 

look i'm not a dta girlie but that bit in dta where cas just obliterates dean in like the first or second chapter was compelling.

There aren’t really chairs in Cas’ cabin, just a couple big wooden chests all covered in candles, but there’s these fat, plush silky pillows, and the carpet’s real soft. It’s nice as long as Dean sits criss-cross applesauce and doesn’t think of what might be caked into it. It can’t be worse than some of the motel beds he’s slept in, right?

Cas is leaning back on a pile of cushions, one leg bent, the other loose and stretched across the floor. He blows a smoke ring, and Dean can see his throat working. Watches his Adam’s apple bob.

“You used to be a priss about everything. You know, when you had to shoot Jo Harvelle, I held your hair back as you bent over the toilet. It was long for a while. We were hiding out in one of Rufus’ old cabins. Couldn’t get electricity for the clippers.” Cas sighs. It’s a wistful sound. “It's a shame we've got solar panels now. You were so pretty. It fell around your face like…” he trails off, staring at the ceiling. A shiver goes through Dean. “At least we can flip the lights on at Chitaqua.”

cas voice who cares that jo is dead i got to touch your face. gayboy moment of the highest degree.

Dean glances around at Cas’ cabin. There’s no bulb in the single ceiling fixture. Just candles.

also it's crucial that i am positing a prelapsarian time where this dean and this cas WERE happy. they may or may not have been sleeping together (probably yes but it doesn't really matter) (it will become clear as the fic goes on that they have slept together at SOME point, but possibly not until things were falling apart, hard to tell) but they WERE happy. or, more likely, cas was happy. dean was miserable - he had to put down his friends like rabid animals - but cas and dean were holed up together all alone or nearly so, and dean was soft and vulnerable, enough so to both let his hair grow out and to let cas hold it back. like this was clearly an idyllic time for cas, specifically, because the world may have been ending but he had dean, in a meaningful, serious way.

Cas’ head flops to the side, and it would have felt unintentional except his eyes are so clear and bright and now they’re staring right into Dean’s.

“C’mere.” Cas cricks a lazy finger at him, and he might have said that in his chill stoner voice but God, it's a command. It's an order, and Dean can't disobey. Cas used to lead armies, and Dean can feel it in the smoky air they're sharing.

Dean scoots closer, but Cas pats the cushions beside him.

“Lay down. Stay awhile.” He laughs again, like it’s some sort of joke, but the sound is creaky. Breathy. More like a sigh than a laugh, less like a sigh than a gust of wind through an old house.

Dean lays on his side. Facing Cas. Cas rolls to meet him, and they’re nearly nose to nose. 

Cas reaches over. Runs a hand up Dean’s left side. Gentle. It would be ticklish if he weren’t wearing a shirt.

“You used to be a priss about this, too,” Cas breathes, and kisses him.

It’s soft. Cas’ lips are chapped, but they’re still pillowy. And Cas is warm, his hand solid on Dean’s ribs.

Dean’s eyes fly open. He chokes.

“What?”

This close, he’s treated to quite a show when Cas’ eyes roll.

“Still a priss, then.”

king of negging. there are a lot of things going on in this fic but one of them is that cas wants to fuck dean and is heaping him with the perfect combo of compliments, insults, and commands to make dean want his approval in order to fuck him. and it works. manipulative ❤️

Dean can feel the words against his lips.

Cas flops back onto his back, still watching Dean from the corner of his eye. Dean stays where he is. 

Cas brings a hand up. Cups Dean’s chin. Draws the pad of his thumb across Dean’s bottom lip.

“I can promise you, you’ll get over yourself eventually.” 

Dean licks his lips involuntarily, goosebumps running up his spine, but all he can think of is the man his double shot this morning. It’s called commonplace.

i love it when being gay is a sign of losing yourself. like the thing about endverse dean is that he's a complete ego death for our dean. he does what dean would never do. whether that's coldly kill people he cares about or have gay sex.

“I-” he can’t really speak. He can’t talk to this funhouse mirror image of his friend, this antifuture doppelganger, this Cassandra prophecy. He can’t say who are you. He can’t say who am I.

All he can do is try to prove Cas wrong. Or just try to prove himself.

He takes Cas’ face in his hands. Presses their mouths together with force. Slips his tongue into Cas’ mouth, desperate for a taste of- 

this was about the point where i was like okay if i'm being realistic about dean then i am never getting them into bed together. it's too hard. he's too much of a little bitch about it. i'm gonna need to turn up the "doe-eyed and slack-jawed" slider to max on this one. and on reflection i also just needed him to get manipulated because that was what cas wanted to do. it's enrichment

He feels a little huff of laughter burst from Cas’ chest. Dean rolls, and finds himself straddling him.

“Ooh, forward, ” Cas says when they break apart. Under him Dean can feel Cas’ bony hips digging into his thighs. 

Cas leans back, closes his eyes. Runs two fingers up Dean’s arm, and goosebumps follow. The movement is so easy but Dean can see the tension across Cas’ shoulders. His baggy shirt rides up, and Dean can see just a sliver of soft skin.

i used endverse cas running his fingers up dean's arm in another fic. let it never be said i'm not consistent. anyway i do think cas is a toucher in general and endverse cas, because he fucks constantly, would turn that into a flirting style, you know? and like the thing about cas is he hosts orgies to become a part of something larger than himself and like. touch is part of that. i think endverse cas touches people to hit on them and etc. but he also craves touch and has not been trained out of it as aggressively as canonverse cas was because in canonverse dean really held all the card in that relationship while also like. not being as close to cas. whereas in the nebulous beforetime that i posited previously 1) dean and cas were lovers and 2) they were each other's most important person, depending on each other. it actually seems like cas was more taking care of dean for a while, because dean fell apart when the world ended and cas didn't because like, he had already torpedoed his own life by falling, what did he care.

“Do you know what it was like, having you inside me?” Cas says. Dean’s breath catches, and he can feel his dick perk up.

i hate to write unsubtle sexual arousal like that but needs must.

Cas’ eyes slit open, and he smirks a little. “Get your mind out of the gutter. I meant when I flew you out of Hell.”

this was approximately the point at which i decided that this fic should be normal and not the original weird thing i planned. the thing about castiel mouthgenitalia fic is that i still do desperately want to write it but i'm not sure it adds that much to endverse. certainly not outside the context of this specific fic. i do kinda miss the original scene i had planned where dean was like [pointing between cas' legs] what the hell is that and cas was like popular among the people of camp chitaqua ;). also i have a great fondness for tangibly inhuman endverse cas <3.

“O-Of course.” Dean swallows.

“Anyways. Angels are… we were built by our Father. Or… we were built for our Father. And every angel… every angel has a hollow. At the center. It’s meant for worship. There’s this emptiness inside us, all of us, and it’s meant to be where we receive His love but…” he trails off. Dean thinks about Cas. His Cas. Was he empty? Was he hungry like that? When Anna said that only four angels had ever met God…

when angels are empty. like the thing about angels is that they were built to love and worship god but they LITERALLY never knew him. and they were never supposed to! isn't that cruel?? like even demons are twisted to love something that is present, even if they are tortured and brainwashed into it. angels are literally built FROM SCRATCH to love god and he never planned to be there. evil evil evil.

“And you… you were vicious. When I picked you up. You didn’t want to go, and I think maybe you were terrified of me, and you screamed and struggled and snarled and snapped and I just… I couldn’t hold you. I couldn’t hold you and fight off the demons that were all over the place trying to stop me. So I just… I took you inside. I took you into the place where my Father was supposed to be. And I… God, I don’t remember what it was like, fighting my way out.” Cas sighs. Takes a deep breath. Dean thinks maybe he remembers. Nothing clear. But a cleansing white light, first shining on him, then all around him. And a feeling of…

i love it when cas puts dean in the hollow where god was. worship. deification. consumption. new forms of daddy kink never before invented.

“I know it was bad. It felt like every demon in Hell was trying to stop me. Maybe they were. But all I could feel was you, this feral thing, biting and scratching so deep in me and it was… it was more than I’d ever felt before.” 

i truly do believe that this is the vibes of what happened in canon. when castiel experiences internal abrasion by tooth or claw resulting in fertilization <3.

Dean can feel the blood rushing in his ears. 

“More than the exhilaration of battle. More than the joy of the Song. More than the horror of an abomination like your brother. It was… God.” Cas shifts under Dean, and Dean thinks he can feel the start of a bulge in Cas’ ridiculous hippie pants.

haha did you catch the double meaning. god is a normal exclamation there but it's also like. "it was god" = deifying dean and the experience of having dean in him where god was meant to be.

 “And when I spat you out, I could still feel it. It was terrifying. I was so empty and now I knew what it was like. You gouged pieces out of me I didn’t even know were there. I couldn’t fill it.” 

Cas fingers Dean’s waistband, slipping the tip of his thumb under to caress the soft skin underneath, and Dean’s stomach muscles clench. He feels his thighs go tight against Cas’ hips. It’s just self-preservation to grab Cas’ wrist.

“You know, I tried. I tried to lose myself in the Song for a long time. Angels aren’t really… we’re not like you. Our minds aren’t… fully autonomous.” Dean can feel Cas’ fingers as he starts fiddling with the button on Dean’s jeans. 

[citation]. i love youuuuu hivemind boy.

“The boundaries between my thoughts and my brothers’ are… it’s not clear where the line is. Or it wasn’t, when I still had brothers. But I tried to lose myself in them, to stop being Castiel and just be an angel, but none of them- I was too different. None of them understood. None of them understood what it was like to have been full and then empty again. I was so alone and I wanted…” Cas lays big hands on Dean’s thighs, grasping the meat of them. Dean shivers. Rolls his hips automatically.

i am always very intrigued about cas as a being discovering desire. like i don't really think of cas as a creature that had an independent, unique will before he was sort of forcibly jolted into the world by dean and the mission. like i think that's how most angels are. they are part of a whole and if they sing out of key they get lobotomized. so cas is like. he is really discovering the twin concepts of desire and dissatisfaction at once. he is the freudian baby removed from the breast and forced to experience that separation for the first time. i've written a lot of other fanfiction about this, or, well, at least two. like the thing about cas is that he's kind of learning emotional maturity on the fly, lmao. like he's never had to regulate his own behavior and emotions before, that's always been done with orders and hivemindiness and punishments and lobotomies. cas has never needed to deal with anything like that before. he's an intellectual adult with the level of emotional experience of a toddler, or rather, he starts that way. he's had to work on it. also note: the implication here is that all of this, the trying to lose himself among his brothers, took place during canon season four and happened with our cas as well.

“God, I wanted. I tried everything. Sex, drugs, and even rock and roll.” Cas’ eyes are wide open now. Open, and clear enough to slice right through him. Clear enough to bite right into him. “ Nothing fills me up like you, Dean.”

can't fill it can you? not with food, drink, not even with sex. i don't think endverse cas is truly pulling a dean here as such. the thing about endverse cas is that he is both a genuine hedonist and also "substituting short term pleasure for long term happiness." like the thing is cas does absolutely enjoy sex drugs and rock n roll but he is also like. one, he has lost the communion of heaven, and two, now that he has truly known desire for the first time he can never unknow it, he will always hunger for more. but also... he does just want dean. like dean is what he wants. if he had dean, that would satisfy him. but he doesn't. so he's kinda fucked.

And Dean remembers now. He remembers being on the rack. Off the rack. He remembers Alastair beside him, whispering in his ear as he- and then remembers the light coming. And he remembers the feeling. 

The inescapable terror of prey.

the thing is. okay. the thing is this fic is one more in a very long line of fanfictions by me in which dean is like. he is tortured by the experience of cas' desire for him. like this fic is more on the "cas' desire is terrifying" side. as i said earlier, cas has only just learned what it is to want. thus his desire is not tempered. it is absolute and demanding and predatory. it consumes and destroys. but i'm also just interested in dean's horror of being desired in general. like the thing about dean is that he is the ken doll he is the marlboro man he is the cowboy and he has to be those things and it tortures him and being desired as those things tortures him more and makes it real. and he's spent his whole life being objectified (sexually and otherwise) in the course of his work as a hunter. like, he's played bait and flirted his way through security doors and kissed monsters to get a spit sample his whole life. he's been valued for what his body can do his whole life. he's been having casual sex with random women because it's what a man does or because it's the only human connection he can get, take your pick, his whole life. he spent his formative years as an extraordinarily beautiful teenage boy hanging around bar rooms and motels on the fringes, places filled with gropey drunk adult men. dean's relationship with other people being attracted to him is going to be tortured at best. like that stuff doesn't come up too much in this fic but it's something on my mind generally when the topic comes up. cas may be fixing to eat dean up, but for dean, it feels like all desire is going too eat him up.

Dean shivers, his mouth too dry to speak. He licks his lips instead.

well. i said all that. but it's also a turn-on, being afraid. at least for dean. he wants to be eaten up so bad.

Cas reaches up to Dean’s shoulder, puts a hand on his sleeve, and Dean can feel something pulse from the scar there. From Cas’ brand on him. Cas grabs him, hand over where they both know the handprint sits on his skin, and pulls him down until Dean is folded nearly in half. Until their noses brush, and Dean can feel Cas’ hot breath on his lips.

“So, if I can’t have every part of you in me,” he traces one finger up the line of Dean’s zipper, “the least you can do is give me your cock.”

[bedlund]

Started reading DTA and boy… if this isn’t the weirdest least toxic dean rep Ive ever seen and the most insane but accurate cas rep Ive ever seen then idk what is (all positive I’m loving it already onto book 2)

don’t worry he gets crazier. which one? well🤭😉

not that early seasons dean wasn’t toxic but i feel like i have to point out that this is pre-purgatory pre-angels-falling pre-mark-of-cain pre-knowing-about-chuck dean. anyways i love that you love it ❤️ i keep saying i need to get back in there i miss them so much

[tiktaalic]

I recently finished dta and I feel like I gotta spread the gospel. the thing about dta. is that it has the best cas. he has infinite knowledge. he’s the funniest bitch alive. he’s autistic. he invents a new element and tries to name it deanium. he makes intense crazy declarations to dean at the drop of a hat. he has several best friends. he’s strange and offputting. everyone wants to fuck him. he grows out his hair. he acts murderous and violent and dean is like ☺️ that’s my guy. he thinks religious ritual is sexy. he never lies but yes he does. no he doesn’t. he experiences infinity-induced delirium. he has to be swaddled and cared for. he finds both horror and beauty in humanity. I love him your honor.

to clarify, having not read ack I don’t know how the horrifying aspects compare. some of the things in that dta chapter are genuinely very upsetting so this is very much a heads up to read the warnings on that chapter. but also overall. I do think that taking the fucked up things in supernatural to their logical conclusion with the full weight of what that means. is a plus side of the story.

the other thing about dta is that in book 4 it takes a turn for the very intense which kinda blindsided me. however, I haven’t read ack yet, but I get the impression that you like a fucked up little story about the characters having massive issues. so as long as you read the warnings it should be cool. final word is I like your supernatural opinions and I think you could be a dta understander.

LOVE AND LIGHT i kn ow i am literally a supernatural blog but. i am not reading all that (dta). if im gonna sink time into a game of thrones length text it will be. gamey thrones and not supernatural fanfiction. i am not huge on fanfiction in general and even less huge on longfic its something i read when im on a plane. everyone i know whos read dta tastes i trust completely but my sticking points are. a) lol im not reading all that and b) im just. not intae endverse as an ongoing spool of narrative. no ones ever pitched The Dread as part of dta which is intriguing i am intrigued. that and the fever dreams no one EVER mentions and then i find out and im like. what the hell you guysyou did nt tell me there were compelling aspects in there. i dont think i will ever in my life overcome the momentous inertia that means i havent read it yet. the only scenario i can think of where i read dta is that the books appear on my door step without me buying them and i happen to have the slowest week of work in my life

[chappelroan]

sometimes it feels like im a fake destiel fan because i refuse to read down to agoncourt but sometimes it feels like im the lurest destiel fan because i wont feed it. i will tolerate an au. mostly beat sheet because that is forever my all time fanned fiction. but because dean is gay. is dean gay faggot kinsey 6 gay in dta? then get back to me. endverse does nothing for me outside OURSIDE of 5x04 but even then 5x03 supernatural free to be you and me does way more for me than The End. because dean and cas are dean. and cas. but

[anevermadebed]

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#5

the problem with a lot of no supernatural element aus is the failure to capture the essence of cas (insane) which is why the ones that work are like “cas calls dean’s garlic bread closeted.” or “cas did NOT bring this research before the ethics review board.” or “cas is literally secretly a part of a crime family. also he rides a motorcycle.”

841 notes - Posted June 7, 2022

#4

i think to block ppl there should be an optional exit survey. like i want the data. when was i too annoying to bear?

1,133 notes - Posted January 9, 2022

#3

so the thing is. in the trap, when dean says “i hope it’s not too late.” it is. it’s too late. cas already made the deal. they’re doomed.

1,361 notes - Posted July 16, 2022

#2

if kripke wanted to actually serve cunt he should have followed through on the plan for dean to kill john. in this version, dean kills john bc john was going to kill sam. john should have stuck around as a ghost haunting dean until after 3x10 “i dont deserve what he put on me and i don’t deserve to go to hell.” after that, dean salts and burns john’s jacket.

this would make s4 “you don’t think you deserve to be saved” go absolutely crazy. cas saves him bc it’s an order but later he knows he would have saved him anyway! bc sometimes you have to disobey your god! sometimes you have to kill him.

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#5

Wait am I just misremembering things or did Lily Sunder and Cas really barely interact in the ep where they resurrect Jack? Because it's like. Here's a man who helped in the murder of your daughter and now he's begging you to help bring back his son. LIKE. HELLO. That's super fucking compelling. I think it should have been Cas who made the "you know how it feels to lose a child; please don't make us lose him too" plea instead of Dean. I think the impact of that scene would be better (and also more convincing given. You know. Dean wanting to kill Jack for a good chunk of their intial relations lol).

The scene could go many ways. You can have an angry Lily, who rubs it in hard, the irony of their situation. How unfair it is that Cas has the chance to do what Lily failed to accomplish for decades.

You can have a more sympathetic Lily, who looks at the face of this worn and weary angel and sees someone completely different from the merciless soldier she met a long time ago.

You can have different combinations of these and more. I wish there were more fics exploring the dynamic between Lily and Cas. (If you have fic recs, PLEASE send them here.)

78 notes - Posted January 30, 2022

#4

One of the most annoying responses I see when discussing S9 Dean's toxic moments is "oh that's just the Mark which means dean is absolved of all moral responsibility for his actions" which is. Huh?????? That's such a boring and stupid response and it's kinda on par with the way some folks excuse everything that late-seasons Dean does by saying "oh that's just Chuck manipulating him, which means he totally can't be blamed for the things he did" which is also soooooooo.

Like. Okay. On the one hand I kinda get the impulse to go straight to a Doylist explanation and blame the writers for writing Dean in such egregious ways (because it's TRUE) but like. Personally I tend to find that boring after a while. This is my weaker argument.

My stronger argument is that by refusing to grapple with the events of canon by transferring the blame to some other external force (blaming the Mark/Chuck for the Watsonian, blaming the writers for the Doylist), the characters aren't really given justice

What I mean by this is that it leaves the characters in an awkward stalemate.

On Dean's part: "If there's a force external to me that I can blame (e.g. the Mark, Chuck) then I don't really need to grapple with the things I've done." This is harmful not just to himself but to the people around him, particularly his loved ones who are typically the ones affected by his actions.

This type of thinking actually hinders the characters' ability to properly deal with the events and possibly make amends. They have no mechanism for moving on other than sucking it up and brushing things under the rug.

Take, for example, Cas' internality in the face of all of these things that Dean did. It's natural for Cas to feel negative emotions in response to All Of That (e.g. anger, sadness, resentment, fear, etc). However, if it's true that Dean really isn't to blame for all of That, then Cas' emotions have nowhere to go. "Dean has tried to murder my son multiple times and I have plenty of Feelings about this but actually it's not his fault because he's been manipulated by God so now I just have to suck up all these emotions." LIKE. That is totally NOT healthy for your psyche, angel or not.

The characters end up not being capable of grappling with the consequences of things because agency and moral responsibility keeps being shifted into these external forces.

91 notes - Posted February 1, 2022

#3

I know that post-canon baby jack fics are usually written for fluff but EYE personally think they should be used for evil more often. I want a non-god, toddler jack who doesn't remember much of the very traumatic first three years of his life but still has some glaring triggers. Like. For example, toddler jack is EXTREMELY claustrophobic. Every time they enter a small and enclosed space, he immediately cries and starts clinging on dean and going "I'M SORRY I'M SORRY PLEASE DON'T LOCK ME UP" and both sam and dean feel their guts turning, knowing that they did that to jack. The only small and enclosed space that jack tolerates is the impala. Anyways. Society if more post-canon fics grappled with what sam and dean did to jack before giving us a "happily ever after".

91 notes - Posted January 28, 2022

#2

Hey folks welcome to another evil and fucked up fic concept from yours truly:

S13. Okay. Dean is still fucked up with grief, and the combination of fear, anger, and resentment he feels towards Jack is certainly not a good mix. Still, he prefers these latter emotions because at least they're actionable emotions. You can run away or fight that which you fear or resent, but what do you do to the rotting void of grief?

All these negative emotions eventually spiral into some form of paranoia, a constant stream of "What if he turns evil? What if he takes even more from me?" Over and over in his head.

Now. What if. While they're searching the bunker for resources to help them deal with Jack, Dean accidentally stumbles upon something in their storage: a metal crown and a set of spikes. A contraption that Crowley left behind—Naomi's tools.

In fear of Jack turning evil, Dean picks up Naomi's lobotomy contraptions so he can program Jack to "not be evil."

When Dean straps down Jack into the chair, he gives the kid his very first smile. "Don't worry, kid. I'll make sure you'll never lose your path."

When Cas is finally resurrected again, everything's fine and cool and happy. And then Jack goes "Oh yeah I have weekly tuning sessions with Dean." And Cas asks. What "tuning sessions." And he watches in horror as Jack puts on the crown that Naomi uses for the lobotomies.

Cas confronts Dean about this. They fight. Cas was about to leave with Jack. Dean panics; he orders Jack to hold Cas down and prevent him from escaping.

With Jack's help, Dean tearfully straps Cas down to the chair and puts the crown on him. "I'm sorry, Cas. But I can't lose you again."

Everything is fine and cool and normal. If Sam notices some odd behavior here and there, he tries not to think too hard about it. Besides, this is the first time that they had been this happy and peaceful for a length of time, why ruin it?

Eventually, however, Sam can't ignore things any longer. His suspicions eventually lead him into finding out what Dean's been doing this entire time.

Sam confronts Dean about it. They fight. When Sam was about to take Jack and Cas away from there, Dean utters a trigger word and makes Sam fall under his control.

It turns out that this isn't the first time that Sam found out what's happening, and that Dean has been repeatedly rewriting his memories this entire time.

At first, Dean just asked Jack to erase Sam's memories. This plan doesn't work long term because Sam either just rediscovers what happens or regains his memories. Dean then ordered Jack to gradually and discreetly feed Sam some grace and transform him into as close as an angel as possible so that the Naomi's tools would work on him as well.

This bit is from jay @casnation , thanks for this: Sam repeatedly wakes up and tries to get Cas and Jack out of there but they’re programmed to take him to Dean if he does this. Like, he could totally escape if he didn’t try to save them every time.

There will be a point where the brainwashing gets so severe that they basically lose their personalities in a way that even Dean cannot ignore anymore. And so he "reprograms their personalities back" based on Dean's perceptions of them.

Crucially there will also be a point where Dean realizes just how bad he's fucked up (ideally in conjunction with the realization that he's living with three husks with zero personality), but he's trapped himself into a corner. Because he KNOWS that the moment he undoes the programming, they would all run the fuck away from that bunker and leave him alone. And he would rather reprogram them ad infinitum rather than face the consequences of what he did.

Another incredible quote from jay: "Pygmalion carving himself not just a lover but a family."

More stuff below the cut (specifically how Mary reacts to All of This when she returns from the Apocalypse World):

Dean does NOT have the guts to lobotomize his own mother. He can stomach doing it to Sam and Cas because he's already pretty good at ignoring their autonomy. Which means that Dean has to employ more subtle methods of hiding things from Mary.

He can order Cas to reaasure Mary that "everything is fine." He can also order Jack to distract Mary by bonding with her.

Here's another bit courtesy of jay: "Mary notices something is up with Sam first and Dean just says “How would you know? I’ve know him his whole life, he’s fine, you’ve only been back a year!"

Another jay bit: "no thoughts just mary looking up and realizing the bunker is a clockwork recreation of her fantasy of married life with john with cas as her role. and she has no idea what to do"

I have no idea how to end this. We can go with the more horrific route where Mary never discovers what's truly going on and so they're all just trapped there, Pygmalion and the family he carved.

The other option is that Mary finds out. This has two potential outcomes: (1) Mary convinces Dean to undo the programming. They all run the fuck out of there and leave Dean alone to face what he did. Or, (2) In a desperate attempt to keep his family together, Dean orders Jack and Cas to hold Mary down and make her forget what she discovered. The story ends with Dean, tears in his eyes, putting metal spikes in his mother's skull.

(Also. I want y'all to know that there are more fucked up parts to this but those shall remain in the dark corners of our discord chats lol)

124 notes - Posted March 8, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Hypothetical destiel pairings that are sooooooo important to me:

- stanford era dean and s15 divorce arc cas

Imagine Cas seeing a version of the love of his life that doesn't carry the amount of baggage he currently has. A version of his love that has not yet pointed a gun to his son.

- s4 cas and s13 widower arc dean

Imagine Dean seeing this version of Cas. He's so young! And he still haven't died a single death for you just yet. You look at this angel and think: you haven't fallen in all the ways that matter just yet.

- endverse cas and s15 divorce arc dean

Imagine Dean experiencing a whiplash when endverse Cas confronts him and says "in the worst ways, you're a lot similar to my Dean. Sometimes I think you're even worse."

- faith dean and emmanuel cas

You're dying. You're dying and your dad won't even answer the phone but here comes this man, this faith healer who looks you in the eye and says "you're not a machine, Dean." Who looks at you and sees someone worth saving, someone who you can barely see.

- post-rapture cas and mark of cain dean

"I serve Heaven, I don't serve Man. And I certainly don't serve you." Imagine a post-lobotomy Cas seeing his charge at his very lowest and seeing what he's told confirmed by his very eyes. That the Righteous Man is not who he thinks he is.

- s3 dean and post-swan song cas

You're going to hell. You're going to hell and you can't stop it but here comes this angel who has fallen for you, who rebelled against heaven for you. And you can't stop thinking whether or not you were born with this rot, with the curse to poison everything you touch. But the angel says "I would fall again a million times if it means I get to protect you from perdition."

125 notes - Posted January 27, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[cauliflowercastiel]

I posted 3,016 times in 2022

That's 2,129 more posts than 2021!

70 posts created (2%)

2,946 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@pisshandkerchief

@hotgirlcastiel

@saratsuzuki

@buglovescas

@takemetosynagogue

I tagged 461 of my posts in 2022

#nona the ninth - 99 posts

#nona the ninth spoilers - 91 posts

#nona spoilers - 72 posts

#ntn spoilers - 66 posts

#deancas - 45 posts

#dta - 26 posts

#the locked tomb - 22 posts

#spn - 15 posts

#dean winchester - 10 posts

#me when blorbo from my shows - 9 posts

Longest Tag: 117 characters

#feel like i’m going crazy i wasn’t even in this fandom a month ago and now i’m following the volcano shake em up lore

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

if I read one more post about kiriona I’m going to rip out my eyes. anyway who got more posts about kiriona

6 notes - Posted September 15, 2022

#4

alright. what is the purpose of this shot. fish sam glub glub

6 notes - Posted February 21, 2022

#3

dnf is gen z cockles

7 notes - Posted July 11, 2022

#2

something about nona/Alecto living on a planet that is not earth and never could be. something about becoming a lyctor means you can never go home again.

8 notes - Posted September 15, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

in one month I speedran mcr fandom so hard I’m now a fan of songs they didn’t even write

26 notes - Posted September 23, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[cas-ettetape]

Not to be the eternal DTA shill but I feel like I understand the ideal of Dean that Deangirls see through that version of him. Bc unlike canon it is a Dean that a. Has security in Sam's safety while also distance to stop their codependency b. Forcible recovery from substance abuse via illness c. Actual friends and socialization and a stable home/obligations. Despite my #deancrit tendencies I do think that he is very capable of being well and great I just think that canon Dean is Not That and also the show is a series of events putting him in even worse scenarios and digging deeper into the hole

[deanofcas]

still thinking about that fic... oh my god 

[spnorwhatever]

endverse, but in a DtA way 

[bedlund]

I feel like dta cas gets kind of hit by for dean being pathetic and ill at this point. Like that post about fevers and 7/11 hotdogs. Sorry

no yeah he’s literally like you have bewitched me feverish pussy and hole